Spiritual Journey, Boundaries and Writing

Watching: The Fuzzies

Drinking: Peach/Ginger Iced Tea

Feeling: 70's Disco

I've been listening to a lot of self-help books; downsizing, grieving, letting go.... 

I want to study life and people and self. 

I also want to learn how to live in stillness. It feels like I have been fighting against the tides and it also feels like I drown in them. There are things we don't talk about.... Things I don't talk about.

I have a wild garden. I'm not responsible for any of the plants. They exist and I give them time and space, but I'm lucky if they respond to me. I must apologize to the few that will not respond. Maybe I'm pushing my existence and my insecurities on these few and they have set boundaries. Of course, I can't see these boundaries, but I believe their silence is proof that boundaries are there. 

I am lucky that in this existence, I have found a sort of peace. I am co-existing on this journey with a few close mates. There is one mate that I believe I might have an unhealthy attachment towards. When their journey ends, it will be difficult letting go. How do you let someone go that you want to swallow whole because as long as they are inside you, you can protect them? 

I told the High Priestess that I want to go on a spiritual journey. She wants to bring the coven home for keeps. She has already planned the commune and I have been looking at DIYs for the gardens we're keeping. I find peace here, but I don't want to be completely comfortable. I know that all journey's end and I don't want to be trapped because I'm too afraid to move to the next stage. I don't want to be a ghost haunting the graveyard because I couldn't find my way to Summerland. 

Sue is in Arizona. I hear the weather is 110 degrees or more. Sue and Ann went to a kitty rescue and donated a bunch of sheets and towels. 

I went to the pound to look for a new best friend. There were so many dogs that I wanted to take home but they all have holds on them. I am so bummed.

Writing Update:

P.C. I've gone back to look at this story. I originally wrote it as a novella, but I think there is a lot of room for more story to be explored. I'm doing a heavy rewrite on this project because I wrote some people into it that I'd like to write out of the story. I think my ghosts are better at haunting my mind and not my pages. 

D.P. I have two alphas who really hate each other and weirdly it's starting to look at enemies to lovers which can't happen! But the words that slide from my head to my fingers is coasting very close to forbidden territory. I need to write this first draft so I know what needs immediate attention. Still on chapter 3. 

Big Bear for July 4th, Magic within Tea and Writing

I've been working on my loose leaf tea shelf. I have more tea then a person needs, but there is something magical in boiling hot water and pouring it over tea leaves. My mom knew someone that could read tea leaf futures. The woman gave mom her special tea set to do it herself. Now there is me! I don't know how futures are read with loose leaf tea, but I love to think about my future as I do my little rituals. 

Sue suggested that I look at this website where prisoners train dogs for adoption. Honestly, the prices for these dogs are almost $300 less than what other places are asking. As someone who doesn't have much money, I am willing to do this for a new best friend. 

I got a chance to finally see Big Bear. The road up there is so incredible winding. I'd be afraid to do this with snow. My hotel was right across the street from this little Bar and Grill type place that played live music. There is no cover charge, so I went in and sat down and got drinks and listened to music. Oh, and I took Mozart.

Later, I saw the Village area and that was so fun. I bought more things than I needed too. One thing I got for Mozart was extremely expensive, but he hadn't been really wanting to eat, so I think splurging on a snack isn't too bad. I had to hold him a lot! People walked by laughing because Mozart just falls asleep and I was rocking him. I guess instincts, right?

I think most of my photos this weekend were of Mozart. I can't find one photo of just something extremely random. I also took tons of photos for people who needed someone to take a photo for them. I love taking photos so I was in my happy place. 

The place I stayed at was okay. I might would stay again just because it was so close to everything, but there are so many places to see out here in California so I don't know if I'd go back to Big Bear soon. 

I bought two monster shirts: Michael Myers playing soccer and then one with Jason playing soccer. I don't really watch soccer any more so I don't know if these are good teams. Michael Myers is wearing a Brasil shirt and I can't tell who Jason is playing for. Steven said Brasil is a great team so yeah! I'm going to have to start watching soccer again. 

I went into a New Age shop but they didn't have what I was looking for. I did find a shop that mixed scents so I went in and got this scent that makes me happy. It's "birthday cake/almond oil" mix and it smells so wonderful. Really just makes my spirit purr. 

Writing Update:

K.B.C. This monster needs chains! So I wrote some chains into the story. Also realized, I need to work on the fight scene. There isn't enough blood and ripped body parts. 

Oh! I just got a super cool idea for a story. Can't really discuss it yet. But I need to write it down, because my last great idea I had about video stores sort of slid straight out of my head. That'll teach me about writing my ideas down as soon as I have them.

Girl Friends, Costumes and Writing

 Sue came over and helped me sort through all my costumes. I don't really dress up for Halloween. That ship has sailed, but I did keep something for the Renaissance Fair. I also kept a beautiful mask in case I ever get to Mardi Gras. I hear Mardi Gras can be really disgusting because people get so drunk and vomit in the street, so "wear shoes that can be tossed."

I have rekindled my female relationships. My favorite bartender said she's up for just about anything. I keep finding the coolest little things out in Arizona to do. Now she is a bit of a recluse like me, so I'm going to try for something on the quiet side. Maybe a paint night? Or a craft night.

I have a nurse that said she would take me out paddleboarding. I have no balance, but I think that would be such a cool thing to do. So yep! She's my adventure buddy. I think hiking, camping, paddleboarding and maybe bike rides with her.

I have a girl friend who said she would do anything DIY with me. I want to try the new plushie taxidermy.... No folks, no REAL animals involved on this one. You take a plush toy and cut the head off and glue it to a really pretty board and make it all fancy. It's a little creepy but for a date night, it might be right up some of us Goth chicks lane. She also loves Dinosaurs and I just found a super cool event in Arizona that I want to go to so I'm taking her with me. I hope she doesn't mind that I'll be a little childish.... 

The High Priestess and I are travelers. She took me to her favorite spoke in Sedona and it was NOT disappointing! We wrote so much and had such a great time. I can't wait to do more trips with her.

My mom always says, "Find really good female friends to do things with."

So back to my downsizing. I just got 5 bags of clothes/costumes out of the room. I threw 3 bags of trash out  of the apartment. Our place is looking really good. I'm glad that I'm finally doing this. I don't know where I really want to head to next. Maybe Oregon? 

Writing Update:

I posted two chapters up online. A chapter on one and a chapter on another. I'm getting really good reviews. I can't believe how far I've come. One story is almost done. I think maybe another couple of chapters and I can put that baby to rest. The other one might have another 20 chapters to go. I really hate leaving things unfinished. 

K.B.C. I'm trying to get these two main characters into a bath house together.... I wish I could just jump to that part, but I'm dragging my feet and I think I'm really scared. I have rewritten these four chapters over and over. If I get to the bath house scene, then I'm going to have to move forward and it's blank up in my skull. 

D.P. I have three point of views on this one. Two alpha point of views and the third is my alpha turned omega. I am really impressed with how well this is coming out. I have two super aggressive, possessive alphas that I'm a little unsure how to balance because they are constantly at each other's throats. The thing is, one made a snide comment and just rereading, it almost feels extremely personal. I didn't mean for it to be as personal as it was, so now I'm wondering, "do I work this in, or do I cut it out?" 

Hospital of Emotions, High Priestess Commune and Writing

Hospital of Emotions was amazing. I kept getting advertisements and I kept passing them as quickly as possible because I wanted the experience of not knowing what to expect. I was NOT disappointed. These artists really captured the moods they were trying to convey. Some of those rooms really just cut straight to the heart strings while others were whismy and playful. 

Every room was fantastic. Each artist left a story.

The one room that really drew me in because (maybe) it's something a little personal to me, was the room where you can wear headphones and listen to someone going through a seizure. You're looking at the art and listening. The feeling is still lingering even as the fine details of the room starts to fade and blend with my every day. I keep recalling. Keep going back, but it's only a memory....

We went out for Mexican food and drinks, afterwards. It's nice that everything is within walking distance so if you want to have drinks, you can just walk home. 

I'm downsizing. It hurts. So many great memories to try and squeeze into a box. The Priestess and I have been talking about making a commune. That would be so nice. Work all day and at night sit on the porch and watch the sunset. I found an old church that's pretty reasonable. Eight rooms so eight of us have space. 

Oh speaking of places to move; the house old Jeepers Creepers house burnt down. I told this artist that I had a room for her to paint and she said NOPE on that. I thought her reaction was so funny. Honestly though, she said that movie scared her so badly and she wants nothing to do with that old school house. 

I have just discovered that all my teas taste fantastic cold! I like to think I'm tasting something that the faeries enjoy. Faeries probably enjoy tea a lot considering it's brewed from plants. How more fae can you get? 

Writing Update:

K.B.C. I have my werewolf and my faerie walking out of battle and I'm not sure who is crazier. Would my fae be the crazy one? The romance might be stirring to soon. I want to note that in this chapter my werewolf has surprised me. 

D.P. This is wonderful! I love the pacing now on this. I have the chapter starting with my omega and ending with one of the two alphas that are going to be the main love interest. However, I am so excited that they actually already know each other and they might not like each other. I do need to clean up the conversation a little because it does touch ever so slightly on something I'm not too sure about. 

Tourist Season, Wine Tastings and Writing

We had the best weekend! We took Mozart to Solvang and I went to my favorite tasting room and bought two bottles of red and Sue bought me this horror icon bookbag that says, "I'd Kill for Coffee" which is absolutely perfect! The Scream Mask is gaining some traction in popularity and I'm here for it!

I managed to take many photos for the tourists who needed an extra hand with group photos, which is one of my favorite things too do. I love tourists and seeing the world through their eyes. Maybe because I haven't really been to many new places, so to see the same location through someone else's eyes makes it new again. 

That said! Everything was in bloom. 

We had lunch and then went to another winery. We were going to bring our expert some chocolate, but found out that she doesn't work weekends any more. So boo! Sue thinks she'll cancel that membership now because she doesn't like driving it. Two tasting and then Sue got a glass of wine at both places that she didn't want to drink so I was feeling pretty darn good drinking it for her. Not drunk, just humming with a buzz.

We're thinking about going to Big Bear for a few days. I'm excited about that because I've never been and it's going to be so pretty. Can't decide if this is something we should take Mozart to. It would be nice to walk the trails with him. It's not like he knows he's 15 and should be slowing down. He's blissfully unaware of how he's aged. 

My favorite Bartender went out for the weekend too and she tasted oils for the first time. She had such a good time that she said she picked up oils for everyone at the commune.... me included! Goddess, what an incredibly wonderful gift. She's a lot like me. We're only 4 months apart. I'm the oldest. She looked stunning for her outting. I can't exactly describe her, she's just so classic. 

Writing Update:

I'm now staring at blank pages for both K.B.C. and D.P. 

I don't think I wrote myself into a corner, but this is really hard. I have chapters to push through on so I've gone to a few that I've probably been neglecting like N.F. and V.C. 

That said, I'm really going to sit down this week and get more done!