Reading Lists, Crime Clean-Up and Writing

Watching: Houdini & Doyle

Drinking: Chocolate Flavored Coffee

Feeling: Untethered

Losing things is so difficult to deal with. I'm trying to let go of the things I've collected and with it, the strange binding ropes that keep me on a muddle-minded path. I don't want those holds, but who realized it would come from a few childish items I've kept from childhood. 

This little dancing ballerina.... I had it forever, but where did it come from? What was her story? 

My story? I was a really sick child so I don't remember much outside of hospitals. 

I do remember my room. My mom has been such a good "keeper" and has kept everything from my youth. But I wonder if it keeps me tied to that sick child? And would letting it go free me or will my identity still be a shadow of my youth? Will all my decisions be safe because I was hardly safe from an ill fate if science hadn't stepped in with such new medications....

Instagram is frustrating. It keeps suggesting books that I know I need to experience for myself. Books are so much cheaper than the decadent chocolates I long to buy. However, I now have over 300 books on my TBR list. Ann told me to put these books on while I clean. I would rather sit and listen to the books in stillness. 

I just finished C.S. Lewis book on grief. I can see why he's wildly read. He has a way with expressing thought/feeling in such a beautiful way that actually touched my mind and heart.

Someone mentioned that cleaning can be fun if you pretend you are cleaning up a crime scene. I thought that was hilarious, but it's actually helped me find spots that I never would have noticed before. Our place is starting to look like the day we moved in. There isn't much I can do with the white carpet though. We have rugs, but after 5 years, there are spots.

There is a horror museum that will open in August out here in California and I think it's full of iconic horror movies. I want to go so badly so I'm going to have to see what our schedule looks like. I told Sue about it, but Sue said "heck no" ..... okay, maybe "heck" wasn't the word she used. She really hates horror and I learned that the hard way, with a very strong punch to my arm. I'm surprised she even went to a haunted corn maze with us. 

Writing Update:

D.P. I have decided what my two alphas look like. There is so much heat between the two of them and its the wrong energy. I wanted tension, but this might be too much tension. I feel exhausted by it. Kissing and making up won't work. I need to keep writing until I can figure this out.

K.B.C. I finally got my demon clean and boy is he a cutie.... I think. 😂 My anti-hero thinks so too. I finally at Chapter 5 finally got a few hints on my anti-hero's background. I think editing will make everything so much cleaner. I'm really trying not to judge here. I have this story in one point of view, but I'm thinking I should make it two? Not sure yet, but I'm on Chapter 5 of this first draft. 

Spiritual Journey, Boundaries and Writing

Watching: The Fuzzies

Drinking: Peach/Ginger Iced Tea

Feeling: 70's Disco

I've been listening to a lot of self-help books; downsizing, grieving, letting go.... 

I want to study life and people and self. 

I also want to learn how to live in stillness. It feels like I have been fighting against the tides and it also feels like I drown in them. There are things we don't talk about.... Things I don't talk about.

I have a wild garden. I'm not responsible for any of the plants. They exist and I give them time and space, but I'm lucky if they respond to me. I must apologize to the few that will not respond. Maybe I'm pushing my existence and my insecurities on these few and they have set boundaries. Of course, I can't see these boundaries, but I believe their silence is proof that boundaries are there. 

I am lucky that in this existence, I have found a sort of peace. I am co-existing on this journey with a few close mates. There is one mate that I believe I might have an unhealthy attachment towards. When their journey ends, it will be difficult letting go. How do you let someone go that you want to swallow whole because as long as they are inside you, you can protect them? 

I told the High Priestess that I want to go on a spiritual journey. She wants to bring the coven home for keeps. She has already planned the commune and I have been looking at DIYs for the gardens we're keeping. I find peace here, but I don't want to be completely comfortable. I know that all journey's end and I don't want to be trapped because I'm too afraid to move to the next stage. I don't want to be a ghost haunting the graveyard because I couldn't find my way to Summerland. 

Sue is in Arizona. I hear the weather is 110 degrees or more. Sue and Ann went to a kitty rescue and donated a bunch of sheets and towels. 

I went to the pound to look for a new best friend. There were so many dogs that I wanted to take home but they all have holds on them. I am so bummed.

Writing Update:

P.C. I've gone back to look at this story. I originally wrote it as a novella, but I think there is a lot of room for more story to be explored. I'm doing a heavy rewrite on this project because I wrote some people into it that I'd like to write out of the story. I think my ghosts are better at haunting my mind and not my pages. 

D.P. I have two alphas who really hate each other and weirdly it's starting to look at enemies to lovers which can't happen! But the words that slide from my head to my fingers is coasting very close to forbidden territory. I need to write this first draft so I know what needs immediate attention. Still on chapter 3. 

Big Bear for July 4th, Magic within Tea and Writing

I've been working on my loose leaf tea shelf. I have more tea then a person needs, but there is something magical in boiling hot water and pouring it over tea leaves. My mom knew someone that could read tea leaf futures. The woman gave mom her special tea set to do it herself. Now there is me! I don't know how futures are read with loose leaf tea, but I love to think about my future as I do my little rituals. 

Sue suggested that I look at this website where prisoners train dogs for adoption. Honestly, the prices for these dogs are almost $300 less than what other places are asking. As someone who doesn't have much money, I am willing to do this for a new best friend. 

I got a chance to finally see Big Bear. The road up there is so incredible winding. I'd be afraid to do this with snow. My hotel was right across the street from this little Bar and Grill type place that played live music. There is no cover charge, so I went in and sat down and got drinks and listened to music. Oh, and I took Mozart.

Later, I saw the Village area and that was so fun. I bought more things than I needed too. One thing I got for Mozart was extremely expensive, but he hadn't been really wanting to eat, so I think splurging on a snack isn't too bad. I had to hold him a lot! People walked by laughing because Mozart just falls asleep and I was rocking him. I guess instincts, right?

I think most of my photos this weekend were of Mozart. I can't find one photo of just something extremely random. I also took tons of photos for people who needed someone to take a photo for them. I love taking photos so I was in my happy place. 

The place I stayed at was okay. I might would stay again just because it was so close to everything, but there are so many places to see out here in California so I don't know if I'd go back to Big Bear soon. 

I bought two monster shirts: Michael Myers playing soccer and then one with Jason playing soccer. I don't really watch soccer any more so I don't know if these are good teams. Michael Myers is wearing a Brasil shirt and I can't tell who Jason is playing for. Steven said Brasil is a great team so yeah! I'm going to have to start watching soccer again. 

I went into a New Age shop but they didn't have what I was looking for. I did find a shop that mixed scents so I went in and got this scent that makes me happy. It's "birthday cake/almond oil" mix and it smells so wonderful. Really just makes my spirit purr. 

Writing Update:

K.B.C. This monster needs chains! So I wrote some chains into the story. Also realized, I need to work on the fight scene. There isn't enough blood and ripped body parts. 

Oh! I just got a super cool idea for a story. Can't really discuss it yet. But I need to write it down, because my last great idea I had about video stores sort of slid straight out of my head. That'll teach me about writing my ideas down as soon as I have them.