Watching: The Fuzzies
Drinking: Peach/Ginger Iced Tea
Feeling: 70's Disco
I've been listening to a lot of self-help books; downsizing, grieving, letting go....
I want to study life and people and self.
I also want to learn how to live in stillness. It feels like I have been fighting against the tides and it also feels like I drown in them. There are things we don't talk about.... Things I don't talk about.
I have a wild garden. I'm not responsible for any of the plants. They exist and I give them time and space, but I'm lucky if they respond to me. I must apologize to the few that will not respond. Maybe I'm pushing my existence and my insecurities on these few and they have set boundaries. Of course, I can't see these boundaries, but I believe their silence is proof that boundaries are there.
I am lucky that in this existence, I have found a sort of peace. I am co-existing on this journey with a few close mates. There is one mate that I believe I might have an unhealthy attachment towards. When their journey ends, it will be difficult letting go. How do you let someone go that you want to swallow whole because as long as they are inside you, you can protect them?
I told the High Priestess that I want to go on a spiritual journey. She wants to bring the coven home for keeps. She has already planned the commune and I have been looking at DIYs for the gardens we're keeping. I find peace here, but I don't want to be completely comfortable. I know that all journey's end and I don't want to be trapped because I'm too afraid to move to the next stage. I don't want to be a ghost haunting the graveyard because I couldn't find my way to Summerland.
Sue is in Arizona. I hear the weather is 110 degrees or more. Sue and Ann went to a kitty rescue and donated a bunch of sheets and towels.
I went to the pound to look for a new best friend. There were so many dogs that I wanted to take home but they all have holds on them. I am so bummed.
Writing Update:
P.C. I've gone back to look at this story. I originally wrote it as a novella, but I think there is a lot of room for more story to be explored. I'm doing a heavy rewrite on this project because I wrote some people into it that I'd like to write out of the story. I think my ghosts are better at haunting my mind and not my pages.
D.P. I have two alphas who really hate each other and weirdly it's starting to look at enemies to lovers which can't happen! But the words that slide from my head to my fingers is coasting very close to forbidden territory. I need to write this first draft so I know what needs immediate attention. Still on chapter 3.
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