Hello Fears, Commune Walks and Writing

I found a book at the little freebie library called "The Hello Fears Challenge" by Michelle Poler. It's a 100-Day Journal for self-discovery. I thought this was pretty cool, and someone had already written on the first couple of pages. It feels a little voyeuristic to see their answers.... their fears. They wrote something extremely intimate on the pages that breaks my heart. I wonder who they are. I wish I could comfort them.

What do you say to someone whose inner demons are so loud that they can't hear anything beyond it? How do you comfort them? Would they even hear what you had to say, or would it be like a sandcastle too close to the shore? The waves sweep in, and suddenly, all that work is just gone? 

I just want this specific person to know that I read your words. I heard you. I hope you are well. I pray the book was placed in the box because you realized that you are worthy of good things, and I hope you choose yourself every time. I hope you walked away from what has stopped serving you as a higher being. 

I'm borrowing a really beautiful scarf from Sue. We went walking in the hills by the commune, and I was exhausted. She's doing this every day and offered to have me come up to walk with her, but man, I was dragging my feet by the time we were barely up hill, and when the sun goes down.... call it superstitious, but I sort of want to be inside. She showed me the spot called "the coyote run," which is a path the coyotes move through. It's dark on that path and so covered with trees that you can't see far into the space. 

I had a chance to pet so many dogs on our walk. Of course, they were all friendly. She remembers the names of every single dog and which ones are polite and which ones you shouldn't pet. It was a pretty cool little night. I did laundry at the commune because it costs so much money to do laundry here at our apartment.

The commune is talking about breaking up and moving off. Darlene wants to head out of state, but she's still trying to figure out where exactly to go. She's thinking about Florida, and having lived in Florida myself, I told her she needs to be there in the summer because when Jeffrey came to visit us, he had a really hard time with the heat. I don't think they would have as bad a time, but they should be aware that it's so muggy that it feels like you're in a sauna 24/7 during the summer. The storms are pretty cool, though.

Darlene and Mr. M are on a huge yacht right now in Santa Barbara. Mr. M sent a picture of a seal on the edge of his yacht. It's crazy! The seal looks as big as a beluga whale. I wonder if it weighs as much?

I think that if everyone leaves California.... I don't know if I'd stay, either. It's so expensive here. The Arizona commune is asking us to sell our things and move back in. Last time we were there, it was so much fun. I cooked 12 banana bread pans to feed everyone. That only lasted a few days. We'd all go swimming together. We'd eat together. We took turns cooking. We have someone who knows how to sew, so we often get our clothes fixed. We would go to rummage sales as a group. It was a lot of fun, and then when I moved out, it was almost too quiet. 

Writing Update

S.H. I did it. I went back and deleted a few hundred words from chapter 1 that I felt didn't move the story in the direction I wanted. I'm almost done editing chapter 2 as we speak. This story has so much room for details, but the chapters are already pretty long. I have one chapter that's 12,000 words. Yep, I'm going to cut that down into three chapters. I don't want anything longer than 4,000+ at the most. I can't believe I originally posted this story. It has every beginner mistake a person can make. Too much "tell" and not enough "show," which I am slowly fixing. The paragraphs are long with too many ideas that could be cut into different paragraphs. I can see what people said about my writing years ago. It's really a lot of fun going back to this early project and saying, "I see the bones. Time to cut the fat." 

B.N.F. I'm frustrated with this. It's a very lean story. It needs more personality. I'm not sure if I should abandon this one. I still need to send this off to my NaNoWriMo mate, who said she wanted to read it. I wanted it to be a little better put together before I sent it to her.... But it really reads like an outline. I think this is the one I stayed up all night to work on while she worked on her NaNoWriMo project. We had snacks. We partied when we started to get too sleepy. We stopped writing long enough to read the very LAST paragraph we worked on every thirty minutes, so a lot of "out of context" reading. It was one of the best nights I've had as a writer. It was a writer retreat of sorts, but in our own fashion. 

E.W. I was asked if I ever wrote people I know into my stories.... I got to chapter 6 on this and yep, there it is. I wrote Jeffrey into my book. I don't know if I should tell him, or if I should change the character or if I should leave it in. I stopped reading when I saw him there. I will go back and finish reading. I need to see where exactly I need to change the story, because my last reader said that the ending was a little unbelievable and the fight scene was more like a young adult book. I think I was afraid of writing darker stories back then. I'm not so shy now. I will torture my final girl to hell and back! She can take it. I had this dream of utter violence and I want to incorporate it into the book in Stephen King style. Doesn't he get a lot of ideas from his nightmares too? 

Altars, Haunted Homes and Writing

Jeff Goldblum is an interesting actor. He's very quirky. He seems like the type of person you could say something extremely outlandish to, and he'd accept that it's your personality. I would love to pick his brain on so many things. May we all have a Jeff Goldblum in our lives. 👈 That is my prayer to Hecate! 

I need to change my altar now that it's moving into spring. I wanted to do a cord-cutting to cut ties with a certain negativity that's been plaguing the soul of someone I love. However, I probably shouldn't meddle. But no good story comes from someone with logic. So I might do the cord-cutting for this person, or I may just wish wisdom on the person under spiritual attack. 

I was reading an article that spoke about how we shouldn't close the door on bringing new people into our lives. That seems like a well-timed article because I am in the middle of cutting ties and closing my availability to others. I'm happy with my small circle. I have all the people in the communes and their situations that come up. I have family that I love dearly and worry about. I have the High Priestess to gain wisdom from.

That little old schoolhouse or old church that I want to renovate is starting to sound like a better idea every day. I call it my "haunted home" because I don't mind its age or that it might have a bit of a backstory. A church with an old graveyard doesn't turn me away. I would even consider renovating an asylum, but I don't want a big property. I just want something spooky for my rescues and me. The one place I don't want is a morgue. 

But what is the difference between a morgue and an asylum, you ask? I believe it's the energy. I get that the residence of an asylum may have left some chaotic energy, which I can handle, but a morgue.... I think that energy would have a finality to it. What do you think? How would you describe the energy?

Writing Update:

B.N.F. I tried editing the book a few times, but I think I just wasn't at the right stage to do it justice. Now, this month, I changed who my vampires are, which also changed how old they are. I think they went from being hundreds of years old to a few thousand years old. I also made one of my characters a famous historic figure, which changes how they are going to look, behave, react. I also see a lack of history in my characters, so I need to write that in and build a structure for the vampires. So much to do, so little time. 

S.H. I was working on chapter 2, changed 1 simple element to the story and now I have to go back and edit chapter 1. Isn't that how it goes sometimes? 

Reading Lists, Bartender on Vacation and Writing

My to-be-read list is growing so much. I have been listening to books on Libby and must admit, I get so caught up in the story that I'll forget what I'm doing. Ann and Sue are reading a lot of the same books and think I would enjoy them. I like more fantasy than suspense. They like the stories that don't have vampires and fairies.... I think that's nuts. The world is too real as it is. I want to be captivated by stories that are a little unrealistic. 

I'm listening to Taylor Spratt's "Poison Penitentiary Series" book 2 right now. It's so good. When I listened to book one, I was thinking, "Is this a reverse harem?" Yes. Yes, it is. I really love the world-building. It's like Prison Break but with fantasy creatures. I am really enjoying the story, and I think Taylor Spratt did a really good job. 

I believe Emory might like these books. He's the one who got me addicted to Laurell K Hamilton. He's reading a book right now that he says is completely outside his norm, but he thinks I would like it. I think we should make a channel where he addresses the dark romance novels that he's reading. It would be so funny to hear his opinions on dark romance books. 

My favorite bartender is going on vacation, so I might not see her when we head to Arizona. We're going to have coffee with a really awesome neighbor from our old neighborhood. I went dancing with him a few times. Cool your jets, it was square dancing! I needed a partner, and he needed a partner. I would love to visit the high priestess if we have time. She read my cards for me the last time we were together. I've got to meditate more and not ignore the visions I'm having in my dreams.

I had waffles for dinner and popcorn for a snack. I'm almost finished with the puzzle we're working on. I need to get everything ready for the puzzle exchange. 

Writing Update:

I have now decided to put C and F.C. on hiatus. I will go back to finish them, maybe in a year. I want to focus on a handful of stories that I've started writing. 

B.N.F. This is a weird one. I'm on page 34 in my edits, and I feel like it moved very fast. I do see a few weaknesses that should probably be addressed. I'm going over this once to just make a few line edits and to reacquaint myself with the storyline. 

I wrote this almost 20 years ago. I was talking to Emory about this story, and he said, "Oh, was this the one where you made the sign and danced on the beach when you finished it?" Yes! I did that. This was my NaNoWriMo project and the first one I've finished in all the years I've done it. 

He then said, "Didn't you write 50,000 words really fast? Like in two weeks, I believe." Again! Yes! This was a very fast story. So right now, up to page 34 looks okay. 

I need to see how convoluted it is when I'm done with my edits. This really might not be able to go anywhere. I might just post it on Patreon. It is vampires in the 1890's. It is gay romance. There is so much room to add details. I've been deleting portions and adding information in. 

K9, Search Lights and Writing

I had the craziest night!

I was chilling at 11:20pm and thought I heard screaming. We're on a busy street, so there is always noise.... but it was late, and every once in a while someone needs something. I stood up to look out the window and noticed that I had left something on my patio that I'd rather bring in.  

I opened the sliding glass door, walked out, and noticed the usually loud street was eerily quiet. I'm on the second floor, and the street we face is NEVER quiet, not even when you really wish it would be. Before logic pieced itself together in my wee brain, a very bright light zeroed in on me. 

A police helicopter had me in its spotlight. 

That's when I realized it was so quiet because traffic was blocked off. Cops were combing the area with K9s. A firetruck and an ambulance came onto the scene.

Emory came stumbling out of the bedroom, half asleep, and asked, "What are you doing?" 

I was still dumbfounded. I had no idea what I was doing, but when the cop asked for our apartment number, I completely went blank. I had to ask Emory what the apartment number was. 

That's where it ends! The cops never knocked on our door.

Writing Update:

Untitled Omega/Alpha WIP: I wrote my story up until a smut scene, thought it would need to go there, and realized that it didn't feel right yet. One alpha feels like fire/swords. The other alpha feels like earth/pentacles. I'm just working through this, trying to get a first draft and not go back to make the changes I want to make at this very moment. I am trying to weigh the importance of some of these characters.